Last Wills and Testaments

  The following were written by us for the senior issue of the BHS school newspaper entitled "Bearly Made It."

I, Tom Bender, being of no mind and a body we won't discuss, will (against my own will) my hot, hot pink spandex pants which I used for the air band contest (Dokken rules, dude) to Danny Donohue. Katie threatened to burn them so they're yours Dan. I'm also accepting applications for my wacky newspaper column to those interested in getting picked on, beat up, and yelled at by Satch.

I, James Blackman, being of blank mind and now-skinny body, leave my squeaky voice to Kevin Easley with which to help him keep his girlfriends.

I, Caroline Bolls, being of sound mind and body, leave my awesome Vega to my sister Angie. I leave all my excuses to get out of swim practice to Kelly Martin, and lots of fun and less worrying to Kari Skar.

I, Jennifer Boring, being of sound but somewhat dirty mind and slim body, do hereby bequeath my Mustang to Melissa Edmunson on her 17th birthday and all the alcohol I'll manage to collect over the next year. To Shannah Small, my common sense; you need it sometimes! To Brie Williams, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world; I'll miss being your sidekick.

I, Jodi Callahan, being of supposedly sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath the following: My office to Brain Becker, my GNO-inspired corkboard to Meg Simonian, and all the SADD bumper stickers to Antonio Monterrosa; to Kelly Martin, I leave the honor of being the oldest swimmer of the "complain lane," and for Harry, I give my seeming ability to never be in class to Melissa Young so he has someone to meet every day in those lonely halls.

I, Hugh Curran, being of sound hearing, leave my ego to the Bartlett English department, which is responsible for creating it.

I, Alan Davidson, being of quick wit and hot driving, leave that "special" little mud puddle to Ann and Brie. May you find many more hours of fun in it.

I, Mark Eral, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my locker to any upcoming junior, and all memories of the past 12 years of classes to my scrapbook.

I, Joan Everard, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath my radar detector to John Rathert in hopes that he will use it appropriately!

I, Trill Gates, being of relieved mind and tired body, happily leave "the beast" to my sister Teresa. It's fast, right? Just duck at stop lights!! And Kim, you can have it, too! It's either that or . . . "the Van!" Have fun cruising', you guys!

I, Kayleen Graham, being of sound mind and injured body, do hereby will an entire senior year of injury- and illness-free athletics to Karen Miernyk (since I already used up all the good excuses!).

I, Ron Hall, being of sound mind and body, will my King chair to Kevin Blackman, my basketball skills to Sly Walker and Warren Mays, and my fighting skills to Snake.

I, Tracy Harpel, being of sound mind and body, leave all of Caroline's clothes that have accumulated at my house throughout the year to her sister Angie. Now maybe she won't yell at us anymore.

I, Giles Harrison, being of twisted mind and tall body, do hereby will my entire Wham collection to Tony Coogle; to Penny Watts my non-existent driving skills (she needs them!); and to Ginger Hutson nothing--because she has everything.

I, Dawn Houghtaling, being of wild mind and gorgeous body, hereby will all my endless excuses for skipping school and always being late to my freshman brother, Bert Houghtaling. Good luck!

I, Ginger Hutson, being of sound mind and body, leave Penny Watts my driving skills and coordination. I leave Giles Harrison my terrific and lenient parents, and finally I leave James LeCrone my driving record. (And boy, you need it, Buddy!)

I, Larry Johnson, being of sound mind and body, hereby bequeath to Brain Paige all of my heart and hustle. To T.J. "Smooth" Jordan I leave my flirtatious tendencies. To Bartlett High School, its first basketball championship.

I, Anna Jose, being of "drained" mind and "cheered out" body, leave all my cheerleading responsibilities as captain to Kimmy Taylor. Bench 'em if they're late and NO excuses. Don't forget your list of cheers, don't take "no" for an answer, and always shave your legs!!

I, Robyn LaMore, being of soft mind and warm body (or is it warm mind and soft body?), do hereby bequeath and bestow to Toni Flowers my faded 29-34 501's and my freshman, Mikey Starzec, to use and abuse as she so desires.

I, Wallace Monceaux, being of sound mind and body, leave my Fiat Spyder to Matt Snell. I leave my old Purple Hall locker to Jamie Tenell. Lastly, I leave my brown leather jacket and its memories to Tonya Worst. By the way, Matt, it's a green Fiat.

I, Jeff Ostrom, being of sound mind and tired body, hereby bequeath my Volkswagen Rabbit and all of its experience and good times to Tim Ostrom. I know he won't let it down.

I, Michelle Petersen, being of wandering mind and sore body, do hereby bequeath my well-used membership at the Fitness Connection to Teresa Gates in order to keep on the tradition of suffering and watching Mike as well.

I, Brian Petro, being of sound mind and strong body, hereby bequeath all my uncounted rebounds, steals, and assists and all the courage you'll need to play basketball at Bartlett to Tom "Jay Stone" Jordan. And to Bill Martin, Tom Ostrom, and Andrew Jose all the women they can handle.

I, Van, the Terrye Bull (Porth), being of hideous mind and monstrous body, leave my dead goldfish to Mrs. Beverly Williams, my dissected pig and hacking instructions to Joanne Panilo, my KE175 to JoDee Fortin, all my love to Steve, and my good luck to Mike and Connie.

I, Angie Rais, being of sound mind and body, hand down the name "Bartlett Beast" to sophomore Lisa Long. Lisa, keep the tradition going. Good luck next year during the volleyball season.

I, Mel Rush, being of sound mind and body, am taking it all with me when I go.

I, Beth Sharp, being of no mind and having an odd body, hereby happily bequeath Bartlett High School to all those who are still stock with it. I leave a fairly good-sized chunk of my insanity to Jennifer Greenhaw. To Satch, I leave lots of love and my utmost respect.

I, Michael Slaughter, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave J.J. Hollie (The Unknown Wrestler) my watergun and all my ammunition; to Eric Sims my wrestling abilities; to Mrs. Askeland and Mrs. Lavish the hassle of the teachers' Pepsi machine.

I, Cyle Sprick, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my bad disks, obsolete hardware, worn out manuals, and the task of fixing the computers in the school when they band together and do something stupid, to anyone with the time, know how, and insanity to take the job.

I, Dana Sullivan, being of sound mind and body, leave my patience to all teachers who have Steve Moore in their classes, and my excellent taste in guys to Rolanda Stevens (she needs it).

I, Curtis Thayer, being of sound mind and body, do hereby will my VW Bug to Satch Carlson and my purple hall locker to my Frosh brother. And may the memories of BHS remain with us the rest of our life!

I, Skip Townsend, being of sound mind and body, bequeath all of my rapping ability to Walsh Brown so he can be the next Bartlett Beat Box.

I, Steve Walton, being of intelligent mind and toned body, leave my outside jumpshot; an endless supply of tanning sessions; and soap, water, and a scrub brush to Tom Jordan. Let's clean up those bathroom walls!

The features editors, Dumbie and Squid (Tom Bender and Terrye Porth), leave to JoDee Fortin, the entire mess of the features department (as is) in her lap. Good luck, JoDee . . . you'll need it!